Hi again everyone! For those that aren’t aware, I’ve been sharing updates and information on mine and my husband’s journey with adoption. As a young woman affected by breast cancer, I wanted to share our journey to becoming parents.
Last time we’d just been approved to be adoptive parents, which was a huge step. Since
then we’ve been dealing with the emotional stage of the process. I say that because, up until now, it’s been about paperwork and admin. I found out my husband is great at this…and I thought I was organized! Since then we’ve started the process of talking with birth mothers. As I explained in my previous blog, before embarking on this, we had training from a great specialist, who is experienced at talking with birth mothers. I would highly recommend this because she taught me ways to communicate I hadn’t even thought of. Ultimately, this is about the birth mother investigating you, not the other way around. She needs to feel comfortable chatting about who you are, your background and whether she feels you’re right to take on the enormous responsibility, and honor, of parenting their baby. I can’t think of a more emotionally charged situation, so please know it’s completely normal to feel nervous and overwhelmed. It helped me to remember no-one is more scared than her.
This stage is different for everyone because, let’s face it, we’re all unique. I can tell you my experiences, but it will always be different for you. What I have learned is the smallest things can peak a birth mother’s interest. Friends of ours have just adopted a baby boy and his birth mother saw a Star Wars poster in the background of one of their pictures, so she called! For us, we’re currently speaking with a birth mom who loved that we live in Brooklyn. It’s always been her dream to see New York and she wants that for her child.
I don’t have a ton of links and useful resources to share this time, but that’s probably because it’s an intense time for our small family. We’re relying on each other for support but also taking any advice given. We’ve joined a ton of Facebook groups and also joined Baby Center Community. Say yes to hearing any experiences and use the platforms that are available to you.
Alongside the conversations with birth mothers, there’s always the knowledge that things may not work out. Adoption is a complex layer of emotions and experiences. While it may seem like a good outcome is on the horizon, we’re being sure to protect ourselves, but also know we’ll be parents eventually. I’m sure there will be disappointments, but as long as you have the support infrastructure you need, you’ll always have someone to help you get through it. I hope I can play a small part in that!
Grace Foxton, YSC’s Northeast Regional Field Manager, has agreed to share her adoption journey with us because as a young woman affected by breast cancer, she hopes her experience will help other young women with the logistics of the adoption process. Check out her first post Our Decision to Adopt and her post with next step tips for those interested in adoption.
This Saturday is National Adoption Day, a collective, national effort to raise awareness of more than 100,000 children in foster care waiting for permanent and loving families. For more adoption resources, check out AdoptUSKids and adoption.com.