Intimacy after a breast cancer diagnosis can be a challenge. When Rachel Venning, Babeland’s other co-founder and my business partner of more than 20 years, and I wrote Moregeasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex, a key part of it was the Babeland Bill of Rights. These 10 truths are all about self-knowledge of your own body and allowing yourself the time to explore and enjoy sex.
We’re looking forward to participating in the upcoming YSC Summit next month and I wanted to offer the Babeland Bill of Rights as an introduction to what we hope to inspire and share with all the survivors and co-survivors we’ll be fortunate enough to meet.
1. Remember, you are sexy—the whole of you, inside and out.
Use your entire body for good sex. Incorporate all five senses into sex. Bring your head, your heart, your willingness and desire for connection. And use your lungs too. Breathe!
2. Love yourself first.
You deserve freedom from negative self-talk and internal criticism.
3. Enjoy the journey.
The big O is not the whole point. A round of sex is over when you feel like it’s over. The journey matters as much as the destination.
4. Own your own orgasm.
Develop the skills and knowledge on your own to make yourself come. Then bring that knowledge to the bedroom and share it with another person. Just remember you have a lifetime to work it out, so keep the self-love flowing.
5. Ask for what you want.
Check in with your partner using eye contact, sounds, and words. We don’t believe anyone has magical intuitive powers to be a good lover. It takes some effort.
6. Take charge of safe sex.
If you want to use a condom, bring one and insist your partner uses it.
7. Use lubrication.
Or at least have it nearby at all times. Wet and slippery feels good – dry not so much.
Sex at home isn’t like the movies. Be ready for things to go wrong and have a laugh about it.
9. Don’t be afraid to make a mess.
That’s part of the treat.
10. Keep growing.
Over a lifetime your desires change, and so does your body. So change up your sexual routine to fit what you need. Better yet, try not to have a sexual routine. Break patterns and try new things, just for the sake of newness and surprise. Variety is the spice of sex.
Claire co-founded Babeland in 1993 to create a friendly and welcoming shop for women to get good information about sexual pleasure and high-quality sex toys.
Visit babeland.com or any of the 4 stores in New York City and Seattle for workshops, events, toys and resources.